hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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