put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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