It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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