put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
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PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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