so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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