it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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