i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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