Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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