Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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