She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize