Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Acid is not a monday night drug
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize