Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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