you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize