so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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