Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize