do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize