Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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