before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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