i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
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I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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