I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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