he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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