Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize