WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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