Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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