Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
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Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
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All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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