I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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