too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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