Got a toothbrush?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize