we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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