Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
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i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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