R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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