i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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