we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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