I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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