I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
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It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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