just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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