I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
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Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
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Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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