What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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