So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize