I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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