apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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