Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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