theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize