Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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