I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
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if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
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just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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