i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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