And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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