glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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