both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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