i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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